I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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