Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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