Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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