The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
