in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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