so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We left an ass print on the piano.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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