forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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