The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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