all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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