I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
