I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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