gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
