I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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