the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
