Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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