Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
