you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
