the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
