May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
