Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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