after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
