i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
