Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
