I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
