I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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