I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
