You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
