I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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