guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
