College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
