Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
