I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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