I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
