i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
