I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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