If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
