so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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