Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
