Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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