I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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