how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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