I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
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Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
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He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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