I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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