Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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