if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Girls should come with a carfax report
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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