You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
