Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
