I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
