I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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