I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
