She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
