Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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