You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
