dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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