i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I want is dick and wine.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
