it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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