You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
