Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
