Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
