strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
