Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
