I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
