I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
