so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
