Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Randomize