Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
