my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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