it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
