I skipped work to stalk him.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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